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Monthly Archives: September 2015

King Poo Poo 

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This lil adorable babe is my first-born, Jake. As evidence from this precious picture, you can see that Jake has always been treated with the  of respect. Why, he’s royalty as far as I’m concerned! Yep, my own lil King Poo Poo. King Poo Poo has been off at college in Atlanta Ga for a lil over a year now.  From the beginning, I explained to my son that I am on my own as far as paying for college goes and that he would need to get a small part-time job to cover his extra curricular activities.  Now before you go and start feeling sorry for ole King Poo Poo, please take into consideration that it is a proven fact that students who hold a part-time job in college on average, do 15% better than those who don’t. Not to mention King Poo Poo drives a cute lil Lexus, has traveled to France, Washington DC and New York several times and until now, has never once been asked to pay for anything.

Until now.

Last year did not go so great as far as the employment situation goes.  King Poo Poo obtained a job at the Shake and Steak but quit within 3 weeks due to the fact that and I quote “you are timed on making the shakes and momma, it’s just too stressful.”

Hmmmmmm.  Next came a job at Abercrombie.  This was fabulous for about two weeks until the job was eliminated due to the fact that it was only a temporary Christmas job and when the nerd (King Poo Poo) let the manager know that he would be leaving for home and not staying to work over the holidays (he said that being away from his family during the Christmas season was too stressful) King Poo Poo was eliminated as well.

Still, I had high hopes for my child and was very proud of him for volunteering to take summer courses.  Unfortunately, King Poo Poo thought that taking a full load during the summer might cause ‘unneeded stress’ and as a result took only two classes which canceled out his Hope Scholarship.

Momma had to pay the $1500 for summer classes.

This year, King Poo Poo has settled in nicely for his sophomore year but I continued to badger him to get a job.  Ok, I got evil. I told King Poo Poo that if he didn’t find a job by October 1, I was going to come up to Atlanta and take his car for his little sister to drive.

Wow, would you believe King Poo Poo now has a job?  It’s a miraculous miracle!  You can’t imagine how stress free it was to find a job once he was threatened enlightened. Now, King Poo Poo works on campus and absolutely loves it! I can tell he is totally proud of himself.  But alas, the problem of a lowered Hope scholarship has arisen once again and when I called the school office, I am informed it is because my son is not taking a full load.

Again.

I of course asked King Poo Poo why in the world he wasn’t taking a full load at school?!!!!!!

His response?

You guessed it…… Stress.

My response?

Momma unloaded on him.

His response?

A drunk call.  Yep, you read me right.  My sweet, innocent child, AKA King Poo Poo, called me drunk as a monkey at 2:03 a.m. on a Saturday night.  I always turn my phone on silent at night so I missed it.  I also missed his text that read “Hey mom – now that I have a job, do you want me to send you money, you know, because I’m such an evil, disgusting bum……”

Errrrrrrrr ummmmmm. If memory serves me, I don’t believe those were the exact words I used….

I woke up the next morning and gave King Poo Poo’s text some true, sincere thought.

My response?  A text.

Now, the next time he is tempted to ‘forget what I actually said,’ it will be forever engraved in a text.

With love and compassion,

Here is my response:

Jake ~

I do not want you to send me money.  I want you to work part-time while off at school and take a full load of courses as well.  This is what 80% of everyone at college does and despite the fact that you THINK you are not capable of this, you very much are.  This is a compliment to you and a tribute to your character.  You are above all the past anxiety  you suffered with as a 5th grader.  That is in the past.  Now, you are a living, breathing, responsible ADULT.  You are not some sniveling brat who takes half a load at school and drinks his entire way through college because he is too incompetent to make something fabulous out of himself.  Perhaps I hold you in a higher regard than you hold yourself?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  All I know is that you were created for something wonderful and you better accomplish it.  Sitting around worrying about your stress life will do nothing more than add stress to your life.

Very counterproductive.

Get off your butt.  Show up to class and do the best you can do.  Go to work.  Be responsible and move up the ladder.  If I didn’t think you could be something outstanding, your butt would be at the nearest technical school learning how to assemble toilets. 

Now have a nice day.  I love you.  I’m very PROUD of you!

And if you ever text me or call me after you have been drinking again, I will slice up your liver into tiny pieces and saute them for your dinner…

 

King Poo Poo’s response to the Queen mother’s response?

“Yes mam.  Love you momma.”