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Cab Ride in Philly

When in Philadelphia, be very weary of which cab driver you choose to entrust your life with.

I’m not gonna say which guy was mine, I’m still a lil afraid he’ll come after me. I’m being serious.

 

At first, everything was normal. It was raining like crazy and my cab driver drove me through the storm with ease.

BTW: I never knew Philly had some many broken down abandoned factories. Wonderful scenario for possible dumping ground, yes?

 

Those pics are just a few on my route. The route that was supposed to take 45 minutes but took over an hour and a half.

Sheesh.

We drove and drove and drove. And at first, I thought nothing of it. I called my kids to check on them. I called my momma. “All is well!! See, y’all, a single mom can travel alone and be safe!” I proudly declared on the phone!

See momma, I told you the cab driver wouldn’t pull over on the side of the road, hand cuff me, beat and hghghhghg55342424###$$!!!@@@ me and dump my decomposing body in the dumpster….Told ya so!

After about an hour and ten minutes, I watched as my cab driver began slapping his GPS and saying:

“Not work!!! GPS not work!!!”

Errrrrrrr ummmmmmm. Ok, really? I gave Mr. Cab Driver the number to my hotel. Twice. The cab driver called each time but only asked “What town you in? What town you in?”

I have a better option. How about “How you get there? How you get there?”

But that’s so not what he said.

I started really getting concerned when he pulled off the highway for the second time.

“I cut off meter. That way, it not charge you. You already at $100.00 dollar. You pay now.”

Poop. He wants me to pay him on the side of the highway when I’m not even there? Is he trying to erase a paper trial?

I can hear him now

                                                       “Oh no, officer, I drop lady off at 7:04p.m.

                                 Here is my receipt.  I not kill her and dump her body in dumpster….”

 

 

By 8:00 p.m. and the third time pulling off on the side of the highway, I was texting The Honey “if you don’t hear from me, this is his name…..his cab number is…..we are near…old abanded factories? CALL THE POLICE!!!”

Dear merciful heavens…..

I sat there for a seconds thinking: what to do, what to do….

I didn’t want to be forceful, that might make him mad and then he could really freak. Instead of sending my text, I picked up my phone and said “You know what, I bet my Honey can help out with this one. He’s the head of the GBI. My Honey has friends all over this town. My Honey will totally direct our way to the hotel. I shoulda thought of this earlier. No worries.”

I called my Honey. You know the one I’m always talking about? The one who is not the head of the GBI?????

The conversation went a little like this:

ME: “Hey. whatcha doing?”

The Honey: “I’m on my tractor at the farm. I’m about to spread some grass seed.”

ME:”Oh wow, you’re lifting Volkswagen cars as weights again? My Honey is so strong and powerful.”

The Honey: “HUH?”

ME: “Oh no, I’m not at the hotel yet. Pretty funny story, though. My cab drivers GPS broke.”

The Honey: “His GPS broke? What an idiot. Tell that fool to stop messing around and take you back to your hotel. NOW.”

ME: “Oh yes, we are on the right path now, dear. I was just mentioning to him how you killed 7 men with your bare hands….just last week. My baby is a lump of muscles, he is.”

The Honey: “Do what?”

ME: “Oh, here we go. We are suddenly at the Radisson Hotel. Yes, baby. I will call you the minute I walk through the doors. You did what? Hired me a personal bodyguard whose waving at me right now? You silly bean. Ok. Love you too. Ok. Yes. Talk in three minutes, babe. Ummm hmmm, the second I walk through the door. Bye, snuggle bunny!”

“Huh? What did you just call me?”

CLICK……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Good grief.

Since I had paid him earlier, I was helping myself outta his nasty, grimy cab.

“Meter broken. Says you not pay.” The cab driver growled.
“Oh, I pay. I gave you my AMEX card. Remember?” I told him.

“Machine broken. Says you not pay. You give me your phone number and if card not go through, I call you.” He said.

“No.” I say. Paralyzed outside my hotel…with my pretend body guards standing…no where in sight? ”You can’t have my phone number.” I tell him.

“I give you mine. Here card.”

“I not need your card. I pay.” (Funny how I picked up his ‘cabinese’ speech.)

But I took his card anyway. On my speaker phone, I dialed AMEX to ask if the charge went through. $100.00 smacks did indeed go through. “Could you tell my taxi driver so I can leave?” I ask. “His machinery, it seems to have a malfunction. All of his machinery does, in fact.” So AMEX tells him that I was charged.

I go to walk away.

“Hey lady” he says. “Gimme me back my card.”

Oh my aching fanny.

“No.” I tell the cab driver. “I might need it.” I smiled and walked into the hotel. All the while, my fingers dialing The Honey’s number and him answering…”Now what was that all about????? I couldn’t barely hear you with my tractor motor running…..”

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