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Day 2: The FORGIVESS Project

 I think I did a much better job of Forgiving everyone today. I did not tell my story ……not one time. This could, very well be because I was at home diligently pecking away on a book proposal I need to get ready for the She Speaks conference in July.  Unfortunately, This was not such a successful day as far as my writing is concerned.  Considering I’m trying to present a book that I set down four years ago, I feel I should cut myself some slack. But I don’t. There are about 5 different versions – all on different computers, various flash drives and even printed out… My main goal was to just pick one version and begin to edit it.  I know what you’re thinking : awe, Sissie is not organized ….and let me just say errrrrrr ummmmmm you’re probably correctamondo. But in my defense, it made perfect sense how I organized it – 4 stinking years ago.

But back to my Forgiveness Project:

I realized I have not provided the rest of the steps to forgiveness. All these are according to RT Kendall in his book Total Forgiveness.

Here goes:

* all bold print are MY thoughts.

1. Do not let anyone know what someone said about you or did to you.

Still working on that one. 

2.  Do not be allowed to let anyone be afraid of you or intimidated by you.

How did RT know that this is my favorite vice? I’m fabulous at it and have been planning and plotting for a year now of what I will say when I see him or his friends. 

3.  We will want them to forgive themselves and not feel guilty.

We will?

4. We will let them save face.

Ohhhhhhh…. Because what they did was so wonderful, it speaks for itself??? (I told you I have a long way to go) 

5.  We will protect them from their greatest fear.

I know his greatest fear and it’s part of why he is doing what he is doing. I guess this all fits together because he is so afraid I will “tell on him.”

6.  We will commit to this for life.
Hmmmmmmmm. I’m starting with 21 days, RT 

7.  We will pray for them to be blessed.

This one, I can handle (or at least I thought I could until last night) 

I have prayed for him. I even wrote it in my phone back in November but had to stop because it was giving me nightmares.  

He doesn’t leave you hanging, The book gives all sorts of biblical facts to back up his ‘recipe for forgiveness’

Unfortunately, every time I read these, I think to myself “well RT doesn’t know what my offender did!!” 😡

I try to stop myself and take this process one day at a time. Yesterday, I was ok. I sat down last night during the LAH hours (lonely as heck) and drank a glass of wine while pecking away at my blog post while sitting outside swatting pesky Mosquitos.

When it came time for bed, I took to heart step número 7, pray for your offender.

RT warns against praying such things like “Dear Lord, I hope you are able to hurt blah blah (insert his name) as much as he has hurt me. I pray for his face to be plastered on the front page of our daily newspaper because he has been caught doing something crooked.”

Yea. RT said “No!”

Uggggg.

I am to pray like this “Dear Lord, I ask that you bless him (insert name) and his home. Help him to find the happiness that he is looking for. Be with him on his farm and protect and bless him. Help him to be at peace Lord.”

So I’ve done it. 3 times to be exact. I also prayed for four other people who are semi involved but certainly didn’t mean to be. They are involved for various reasons….It hurts me that they didn’t respond to this situation as I would have wanted them to. Which is silly. I know.

So 3 times I’ve prayed for everyone I need to forgive, him being the big mamoo. I literally got down on my knees and shut the door so my daughter would not think I was a complete freak and then I prayed.

The result?

Misery. Last night was the second time I prayed for him and all his many blessings and I woke up at 1:06 this morning with a terrible nightmare. My heart was pounding, I was winded. Not fun. So I settled down and fell back asleep and was awakened AGAIN by a second nightmare. Much more hurtful than the first. I wearily went downstairs to let the dog out and yes, I prayed my morning prayer, once again asking God to bless him. I thought I was about to start my day but I was tired from not sleeping and I drifted off to sleep again. At 8:07 this morning, I was awakened for a 3rd time with a nightmare. This one made me sadder and angry that I even started this whole stupid scab ripper, the FORGIVE EVERYONE project.

Maybe Vern is right. Perhaps I need to stop all this FORGIVE EVERYBODY PROJECT and go get some fancy smoke blown up my nose or whatever it is that psychic Stephanie does to make a person lose their negative energy……

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