Find Me Here
Buy My Book!
Street Address
City, State, Zip Code
Subscribe to Blog!

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Designed By:
Munchkin Land Designs Elements by Flergs
Categories

Eruption Due to a Missed Text

1. An intense rumbling activates or awakens the volcano.

 

It is still raining when we get home last night from taking Izzy to the pulmonologist in Atlanta.

 

2. Eventually the volcano will start to shake or rumble.

 

Opening the door to a cold and dark house, we all jump the hurdle of Christmas tree clippings that are scattered on the living room floor from Saturday night.

 

I water Christmas tree, let the dogs in, one of us forgot to leave food out for them; good thing they had excess fat to fall back on for the night.  Jake brings in the full garbage can, one of us forgot to take the trash can to the street.

I press preheat on the oven to warm dinner; then remember I didn’t go to the grocery store.  left over pizza from last week will have to suffice.

Izzy jumps in the shower.

Stare blankly around the kitchen wondering aloud “who didn’t finish doing the dishes before we left? Whose spilt eggnog is it, anyway?”

Stagger into my room to take long bath.

The dog pooped on my bathroom floor

want him?

 

He’s free. Comes loaded with his own poop and everything!

 

My mother calls.

“Hey – listen, did you not get my message?  I called you at 11:30, I asked you to text your brother, I had just been to TJ Maxx, came home and was locked out of the house. I needed you to……”

 

3. Ash and molten rock will start to billow out.

 

“No I didn’t.  I was at the pulomonologist with Izzy.  Remember? The doctor’s appointment we’d been planning for over a month now? Ring a bell?

“Oh yes, I know.  What did he say?” Asks my mother.

“He suggested about five different tests for her: a camera scope, another cat scan, further immune system blood work, a bronchial scope and oh ~ a sweat test.”

“Horses sweat, men perspire and ladies glow, remember? So, it would be called a Glow test.”

“Sweat test.” I repeat.

“What’s a sweat test???? That sounds gross. Never heard of that one.”

 

4. In an explosive eruption volcanic ash and molten rocks and magma/lava will fly into the air most likely destroying the volcano itself such as mt. St. Helen’s.

 

And there she blew.

Loudly, I might add.

My children take cover from explosion ~ jolting bedroom doors and hiding in back of closet.

Dogs make a B line under beds.

 

5. Anything in its destructive path will be destroyed!

 

A lot of loud, ugly words are involved.

From my mouth.  Not my mother’s mouth.

Then crying. (Me)

“A sweat test will determine if she has cystic fibrosis!!!!!!!!”

More crying. (Me. Then my mother.)

More molten lava hysteria follows.

Once again, just me.

After volcano erupts and molten lava is hurled forth, my mother calls back later in the night saying she’s been on the Mayo Clinic web site and asks me to ‘lick Izzy.’

“Lick her?”

“Yes, lick her arm to see if it’s salty.  It’s a tell-tale sign.”

So I lick Izzy.

Izzy looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

Then, she licks me back.

 

No salt detected.

 

Volcano now sits dormant.

For now…..

Leave a Reply