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On Her Merrie Way

When our feet started sticking to the bathroom floor, there’s enough dog hair rolling across the hardwood floors to knit an eskimos pelt, and all my whites turned to greys, I decided to send Merrie on her Merrie way. It’s not that I’m trying to be ungrateful, I mean, surely the dogs were grateful that they had finally found another playmate to roll through the grass; frolicking with them in my back yard.
I’m sure we will all miss Merrie.
Well actually, Jake won’t. “Why are Izzy’s bras in my drawers????”
Maybe not Izzy’s either. ”Momma, Merrie stuffed all my clean clothes under my bed and left a half eaten sausage sandwich in my bathroom. Ewwwwww!”
She has however, taught me new and exciting tricks: how to vacuum without sucking up any dirt whatsoever and dust for 3 hours straight without using a cloth or pledge furniture polish but rather, stand in front of the television and laugh hysterically at the lifetime for women shows that frequent my TV when Merrie is here. At least the TV was dusted…..
“Merrie!” I would say “did you dust anything but the TV you were watching?”
“Chess! Chess! Chess!” (Chess! = YES! in Merrie’s world.)
Merrie also proved to be very enlightening….. did you know that the doctors office was now in located inside the Kmart? Who knew??? And I thought Merrie was just trying to leave work early with her weekly “I done gotta leave a littles earlies….the doctor wants me to come back fo a check up.”
“Sure Merrie, where do you want me to drop you off, the doctors office?”
Oh NO NO NO!!!!!! Just at the Kmart. Chess! Chess! Chess! (remember ’YES’ in Merrie terms) “I’ll walk from there……”
Each Tuesday, I’d half kill myself trying to get back to home to get Merrie to the doctors office. Once there, I was completely confused as I watched Merrie stroll go into Kmart and return an hour later after she shopped. I don’t know what she could possibly need. She couldn’t be hungry, I fed Merrie breakfast and lunch. She certainly didn’t need any new sunglasses, I had given her my old pair she had “comed across” and tried on. “They makes me look young.” She had told me. Who was I to argue, doesn’t everybody want to look young? Now, I know she didn’t need any coffee grinds for that new coffee maker she took off my hands, I had supplied Merrie with grinds for at least six months. Maybe Merrie was looking for a new night gown? After all, she had been hounding me to stop by TJ Maxx and pick her up one “just da next time you is out shopping.”
Honestly, I think Merrie has just plum worn me out. All that cooking for her, cleaning up after she’s gone, supplying her with all life’s necessities and chauffeuring her to and from the doctors/Kmart office….
A girl done get tuckered out, understand? Chess! Chess! Chess!

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