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Running the Neighbors Off

It’s taken me a year and a half; but I’ve finally run my neighbors off!!!!
WAHOO!!!!
Yep, starting off at $345,000 for their home, those embolsolts settled for somewhere in the family of ….??? I dunno. I feel quite sure they lost their …..assets. Oh yeah, they took a bath on that one.
Dern I’m good.
WHY did they hate me so much; they felt they needed to pack up their voo doo dolls and move all the way to Florida?
Good question.
If it wasn’t the Metallica that I blared at max volume all hours of the night, nor was it the sixteen perpetual house guests that sometimes parked in their yard after late nights; then maybe it was my God given right to chose to sun bathe in the nude on Sunday afternoons while sipping margaritas and singing (I’m an alto) Jimmy Buffet?
Am I just a first class trouble maker?
Could be…
Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea leaving my old 1958 Chevy pick up in the back yard. I considered removing it, but changed my mind when I realized it had become my very own wild life refuge. Maybe I just didn’t have the heart to make all those animals become homeless. It seemed cruel. And those beer cans? Well, they were merely yard décor. The hanging clothes line? Who doesn’t relish in the fresh scent of morning air? I really was planning on picking up the garbage that the dogs got into, seriously, I’ve been really busy.
Nah.
She (evil neighbor) told me the real reason that had to ‘get away.’
“The kids, I can hear them playing, and ouuuuurrrrssss are already grown.” Sniff, sniff.
She is a real close talker and I honestly think she wears caps. The caps move in closer, as if to chomp on my lips. “And those dooooggggssss. They baaaaaaaaaaaaaaark.”
Hmmmmm. Children can be heard playing. Dogs can be heard playing…..?
We tried to mend fences. I didn’t call the police when they yelled at my children for playing in my driveway and she couldn’t hear her TV shows. Nor when they continued to come into my back yard when I wasn’t home to turn the setting on a bark dog house to the highest intensity thus hurting the dog’s ears. Coming in my yard to move pots, pull up tomato plants that hung over (which that they thought were encroaching on their property line), or when they built a gate so they could come and go at their leisure into my yard.
Very odd.
I did however get a lil feisty when they barged into my back yard, threw my pillows around and yanked up a climbing vine I had been babying.
I think that was when I was pushed to the limit and asked the “man neighbor” if he had some strange attraction to children, is that why he couldn’t seem to STOP entering my yard????
He didn’t like that so much. He called the fuzz on me for that one.
It was insane.
But now, all is well because I spotted the moving truck first thing this morning.
Shall I send them a bottle of bubbly celebrating their departure?
Nah…
I’ll just drink it myself (with my nice neighbors) and celebrate for a good well done!!
CHEERS!

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