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single mom

My Life As A lil Purple Dragon

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It is truly disconcerting when one sees himself living the life of a lil purple dragon…In my case, his name is Spyro and he’s the character in a video game my son has owned for years. Spyro’s main goal in life is to chase talisman and orbs all while dodging green frogs, flying square shaped objects as well as some kind of winged pig looking thingy. His main goal is to conquer RIPTO – an orange fat blob with a strange looking horn on his head.  Spyro has to either shoot it, charge it or dodge it. I’m either charging when I should be shooting and dodging when I should be charging.  When one is 44, somehow it is not very fun to watch yourself dressed as a lil purple dragon running slap dab into ginormous boulders and sailing right off a very high cliff; thus missing your target completely and having to start all over again. Finally, right when you think you’re steady on your feet, you’re actually  tumbling over the edge of the cliff; where your lil dragon nose heads straight into the bright blue sea.

To me, It’s exhausting.

To my children, it’s pure, unadulterated delight. They think it is knee slapping, gut wrenching delishisness to watch mommy blow fire from her purple nostrils, (when there’s nobody within a good ten feet to even be singeing) pummeling full force towards my desired enemy (usually something very big and very blue) only to zip right past him and alienating the wizard who is trying his best to give me his advice and dole out a few tricks to help me.

Truly. Mind numbing. And yet, the story of my life.

Need an example?

I was settling in with our new home, in our new life with a new set of rules.  I’ve picked back up Bella Blue and I’m moving and grooving with my writing. Bella Blue makes me happy when I sink into her world and I gave myself  the deadline of finishing book numero 3 September 1, 2015.

Then I charged right into a big blue thingamagiggy: She Speaks Writers Conference.

I was so excited to be going; it’s been awhile since I’ve been to a conference.  “It will be life changing!” I told myself, “Do it, Sissie, head in that direction!” I gleefully exclaimed. “You might even be able to ‘book it up a notch and throw some fiery fabulousness on one of their agents and or publishers!”  Me and my purple wings flapped mightily as we checked out the box that read ‘make publisher/agent appointment’

And then it came: the big ole bolder: the detailed list of all the agents and publishers that would be present and what they were looking for. Not one of them wanted anything to do with a children’s book…..

Sigh

BUT … what the agents and publishers were looking for was something I did have: a self help or memoir.  I’ve already written about 80 % of the thing.  I even wrote a 22 page book proposal.  So what did I do? I hurled Bella Blue slap over the edge of a cliff and in true Spyro fashion, I began dodging Bella Blue isms and charging after my self help memoir.  In the last 6 weeks, I’ve probably spent about 300 hours perfecting my self help memoir, she was SO close to being ready.

But then, I finally slowed my lil purple dragon pace to a stop and really began to think about what exactly I was charging straight for.  The book may be ready but AM I READY?! Did I really want to do this? An I actually ready to share my story?

Me thinks not right now…..

Instead of being discouraged and frustrated with myself for getting so completely off course, I’m going to take the rest of the time off until after my She Speaks Conference.  It is the summer and my children miss me.  I have been in total Spyro mode for the last 6 weeks and it’s time to quit flapping my dragon wings and just…well just..be…

Izzy wants to go kayaking.  Jake is coming home for the rest of the summer.  Our family beach trip is the next week.  Sometimes, a lil purple dragon has rest her fiery nostrils and reassess her priorities.

And then…. come back and kick Ripto’s booty!

The River Washes Away A Headache

I’ve been up and at it since 5:50 a.m. because Jake is taking the SAT. He has been so worried about taking this crazy test, he wanted to get up early so that he wouldn’t be rushed or stressed.  I was totally bummed because I wanted to sleep in…especially since I woke at 3:00 this morning.  I have found that there is nothing exciting to do at 3:00 in the morning. I thought about sending out a tweet to tell the entire United States that I was awake and ready to jabber with any and everybody but when I opened my eyes, everything was so fuzzy, I coulnd’nt get my eyes to focus.  It weren’t purty:

I think my nerves are on the fritz!  I stayed up worrying about the blog posts I haven’t written, the Bella Blue facebook page that hasn’t been updated, the closet that hasn’t been straightened out and looks like a small bomb shelter has blown up…all because I’ve been working on my book, the new Bella Blue Series.  Consequently, it has invaded my mind and taken over my life.

I called my mom this morning to inform her that I wouldn’t be coming over with her 3 tubs of ‘fund raiser cookie dough’ that she ordered six months ago because I slept in.  SO not me.

“I woke up early to get Jake all ready to go, came home, laid down because I couldn’t sleep at all last night and now…I have one of those headaches.” I told my mom, all foggy headed. “I took some Excedrine Migrane a lil while ago.  Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.  I can’t figure out what exactly these lil buggars are, every little sound sends me over the edge.”

My mother coughs into the phone. Hack, Hack, Hack.  Then she blows her nose. “Excuse me.”  She says. “How long have these headaches been going on?”

This is the first time I have informed my mom about them, why whine? Well, now that I’ve whined to her, I think it would be a nice time to whine to you all as well.  Just in case y’all might have an idea what these stinkin joy kills are.

“A year and a half.” I tell my mother as I PICKED MYSELF OFF THE FLOOR!!

(Yes, even coughing in the phone is enough to send me over the edge.  Sheesh!)

“Just the exact time when your started all this flogging and your book coming out stuff?”  My mother asks.

“It’s blogging, not flogging and yes, maybe that’s when it started.  But…I can’t quit.”

“You should slow down, take it easy. Stop worrying about the flog and Bella Blue’s adventures.  Take some time for you.”

I hang up with my mother and call my single momma friend, Kathryn.  I ask her if she can sneak away for lunch on the river.  She hee and Haws.  Apparently, she’s having a bad day as well.  I give her the same quip that I just got from my mother.  “Life’s too short!”  I tell her.  “You can put down that shovel in the yard and go to lunch with me!”

Kathryn thought bout it for a minute or two…

She agreed to meet me at the river. Five minutes later, Kat calls back to cancel.  “Too much is going on!” She tells me. We hang up.  Then she calls back.  (I’m SO not exaggerating about this!) “My kids are driving me crazy, I’ll go.” Then Kat calls again. “Forget it, these kids of mine…grrrrrr.  I’m too much in a bad mood to go!”

Oh fiddle.  All this is happening as I’m writing this post, which by the way is taking me 900 years to write because Kat keeps calling me on the phone to interupt/cancel on me.

I have to ask: Is this what we all do? Sit home and eat worms when we are having a headachy bad day? Sheesh!

Five minutes later, Kat sends me a text:

Ok, Hurry up and come get me before I change my mind!

I’m gonna have to cut this post a lil short…I’m headed to the river.