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The Family Idiot

Inevitably, everybody has one… the family idiot.  Maybe it’s Fiona the foos ball fanatic. You know the one; who rolls in late because she’s been at one of her latest foos ball tournaments; the exact person who promised to bring:

the best carrot cake ever but got confused and just brought….the carrot. Raw.  Or how about Aunt Flossy, who has the disconcerning habit of speaking while slurping Oysters Rockefeller; also the one with the terminal corn kernel lodged in her left incisor. Last Thanksgiving, it took an ice pick, a sawed off finger nail file and a small oyster shuck to dislodge it. Instead of being irritated, try these three things….

I am thankful for…

I am thankful for…

I am thankful for…

Redirect your brain to focus on the positive instead of the negative.

I am thankful for the beautiful weather.

I am thankful that my children are safe and healthy.

I am thankful that I have all of my own teeth and learned years ago the fine art of flossing..

(Ok sorry- but you get the picture.)

Repeat these three things when Uncle Rosco, who smells like Aspercreme and is sitting 14 inches from your face, burps louder than a fog horn. The same routine needs to continue when Aunt Cooter laughs hysterically at Uncle Rosco’s out of control body functions as well as when she spits pecan pie particles while smacking and slapping the back of whoever sits closest every time Uncle Roscoe has one of his ‘episodes.’

Just remember….


These three things.

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