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Throw that Dog a Bone

 

Did you know a dog can get a tumor on his tush?

So unattractive, I know, not to mention expensive. Our family dog, Bear, AKA Pickles AKA Goof Ball now AKA Tumor Butt has been living with us for 7 years after we found him living in the back of an abandoned Ford Taurus.

After thoroughly demounting 17 ticks, 1000 fleas and one million dollars in shots, Bear now resides pest free amongst us.

Bear’s had one of these tumor like thingys before.  Last time, it cost me $452.00 smacks. OUCH!!! The last tumor was on a more appropriate place, like his chest.  I didn’t even know the dern thing was there until I had him shaved two weeks ago to shed him of his winter coat.  With his long hair, Bear looks like a scrunchy version of a black retriever. Trimmed, he strongly resembles a wanta be lab.

So we found this ummmmmmmmm bump on his…..bummmmmmmmm and fearing that it was a ‘compacted anal gland’ (Oh yes, I know, how repulsive),  we race to the vet. I’m surprised Bear is still even speaking to me after all the rectal exams he’s been forced to endure. The vet is a lil worried about it being cancer as it seems to be very fast growing.  Can dogs have cancer?  Apparently yes. The treatment can run into the thousands ~ $$$$

Cha ching!

We take Bear in for his surgery in high hopes he doesn’t have to come home with a colonostomy bag. Ugg.

Cha ching!

I’m waiting and waiting and waiting for the vet to call.  Is it cancer?? Is he ok?? I finally make the call: “Hello, this is Princess Flibbertigibbet, is like my dog ok??????????? I haven’t heard a word from yall!!!!”

The office did return my call but only to ask: “Do you want to pay for your dog to have pain medicine?”

Urrr ummmm yes?

Cha ching.

Weirdos.

I finally get Bear home, his fanny all swollen, tightly stitched together and wearing the dreaded cone of shame. Unfortunately, Bear is so shamed he rips off his cone in disgust and tears out his stitches showing his difience.

Now, the smart alec is back in the dog hospital till Monday. That’s a total of 3 nights in the hospital.

Can we all say….

Cha ching???

Personally, I think his new name needs to be a million.  Not ‘one in a million dog.’  Not because he ripped out a million stitches. It’s because I have the scary suspicion he’s gonna end up costing me somewhere close to a million when all these tumors stop hatching….

Cha ching…..

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